wat bout pragnant strippers??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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