quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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