I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
