Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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