I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
