3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize