Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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