I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
