i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
