Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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