So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Randomize
