i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
