I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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