Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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