I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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