The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
