So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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