Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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