Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
