clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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