Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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