I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
