We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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