If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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