Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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