wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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