i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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