ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
