i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
