living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
