if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
