you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
