I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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