Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
