So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
