Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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