the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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