Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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