Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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