It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
