How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize