just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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