You're so nebulous sometimes
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
