Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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