so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
