we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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