Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
