Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
