Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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