Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
