Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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