I feel like abortions should bother me more
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
