don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
