yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
