I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
