nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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