I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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