At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize