:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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