You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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