I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
