I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
