Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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