it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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