Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
