I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
