oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
