Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I met the friendliest cop last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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