Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
