so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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