nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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