even my farts smell like vagina
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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