Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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