the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
