And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
