I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
