Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
