I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
