I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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