so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
