Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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